ONLINE IN NEW YORK CITY AND SEATTLE, WA
Therapy for Men & Masc Individuals
GAY | BI | PAN | STRAIGHT | CIS | TRANSMASC
You’re starting to wonder if you’re “man” enough.
You haven’t been to a happy hour, brunch, or boys’ night out in so long, you wonder if your friends still remember who you are. When you were younger, you got together all the time, but then work got busy—maybe you started earning promotions and throwing all your energy into continuing to climb the ladder or building something yourself. Then you found a wife, husband, or partner. Maybe you had kids, or at least a high-maintenance dog you treat like one. You got lost in the whirlwind of life.
Maybe you looked up one day and realized something was missing. Maybe you tried to find it on your own, through podcasts, books, or therapy, but the longer you looked, the more empty you felt.
It might be embarrassing to admit because you see so many other men managing it all just fine. So you don’t say anything—you just keep moving. Your work is counting on you and your family needs you. You think, if you stop being that sturdy pillar for the people who rely on you, what even are you?
You might be struggling with your…
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Maybe you don’t entirely understand what you’re doing wrong—even though you want to. All you ever try to do is take care of your partner and be there for your family. When they’re having a hard week, you pick up the slack at home, listen when they need to talk, and put your needs on the back burner.
Your partner asks how you’re doing and you don’t want to pile on, so you say you’re fine—no, really. And they get frustrated because you aren’t opening up. And you get frustrated because you’re trying, but it’s not enough, and you’re out of ideas. You just don't know what else there is to say—you’re not as good at explaining yourself as they are.
Then there are the moments that surprise you. Like when you get stuck in traffic and you lay on the horn and shake the steering wheel. Or when your partner gets angry enough to yell or cry and you feel yourself go blank. Later, you beat yourself up for reacting the “wrong” way. Again.
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You exist in a world built by and for cisgender straight white men. And that’s not what you are. Maybe it’s always been part of your story as a person of color. Maybe you came to the realization later in life when you came out to yourself as gay, trans, or somewhere outside of the binary. Either way, how you experience the world—that experience of being “different”—isn’t something the other people in your social circle would fully understand, and it gets lonely being the only one.
Or maybe you’re just starting to figure out who you are and aren’t sure how to exist in your world anymore. You may worry about what your family would think if you came out to them as something other than cis or straight.
You might be transitioning and just now starting to experience life as the man you’ve always felt like on the inside. You get so excited when you look in the mirror and see yourself emerge a little more every day, and you feel good in your skin for the first time. But then you go out into the world and you feel like you’re playing dress-up or like everyone’s looking at and clocking you.
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Maybe you and your partner are having trouble so you tried couples therapy. But now your therapist wants you to talk to someone one-on-one to work out some of your stuff before your relationship can improve.
Or it’s possible you recently came out to your family and they didn’t accept it. Maybe they question your masculinity now that you’ve told them you’re gay. It broke your heart, but you still love them and don’t know how to navigate your relationship with them anymore.You could be adjusting to dating and relationships as a newly out gay or trans man. Maybe your marriage looks different now that you’ve transitioned genders, or you’re just starting to venture into gay bars. These experiences are bringing up a lot of different feelings you can’t identify and don’t know what to do with.
MY APPROACH
Whatever you’re feeling (or not feeling) is welcome here.
Everything you’re experiencing on the outside has a corresponding internal experience. It’s an understanding (or even an awareness) of that internal experience that most of my clients are missing. That is completely okay and, actually, very normal. In fact, many men live with the belief that it isn’t “manly” to feel and express your emotions. Some have even existed in a space where it’s unsafe to do so. So they tend to put up a barrier around that whole side of themselves.
We need to gently bring that barrier down.
The way we’ll do that is through the relationship between us in sessions. My virtual couch is your place to talk about the things that are bothering you or leaving you frustrated. We’ll start there, with letting out that steam instead of keeping a lid on it.
As we work together, I’ll be able to help you become aware of instances where you’re shutting down, becoming defensive, or engaging in behaviors that contribute to negative cycles in your relationships. We can talk about it in the moment as it's happening. I can help you put words to your experience and your feelings to help you grow more in touch with that part of yourself and gain the language you need to talk about it.
By unpacking your thoughts and feelings and learning to communicate them to the significant people in your life, you can develop deeper trust and intimacy, get your needs met more effectively, and better understand yourself.
Therapy can help you…
Know what you're feeling and have the words to communicate it so your relationships can grow beyond surface-level.
Be open and honest about how you're doing and letting the people who care about you know the real you, instead of keeping everyone at a distance.
Unpack the beliefs about masculinity, gender roles, and cultural expectations that have shaped your life, and begin to live authentically.
Give yourself permission to ask for help, take breaks, and have needs of your own, because you understand your life is about more than what you provide for everyone else.
Feel at home in who you are—your identity, your sexuality, your body—so you stop performing a version of yourself and start living as the person you're becoming.
Trust that letting people see more of you won't cost the things you care about.
ONLINE THERAPY IN NEW YORK CITY AND SEATTLE, WA
You don’t need to handle everything by yourself. This is your permission to ask for help.
FAQs
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I've been working with men for years, across a wide range of identities, backgrounds, and presenting concerns. I’ve worked with gay men, straight men, trans men, men of color, men who've never been in therapy before, and men who've tried it already. I'm trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy through the William Alanson White Institute, and I'm completing my EMDR certification. But at the core of my work, what I do is help men slow down, get to know their internal world, and build a stronger sense of who they are.
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No, I work with men across the spectrum of sexual orientation. There are certain experiences that go beyond sexual orientation. While gay men and other members of the LGBTQ+ community like working with me because I understand what they’re going through, I’ve had many meaningful experiences treating straight men. Ultimately, the men I work with are just looking for another man who can see where they’re coming from and help them through it.
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No. I work with cis and trans men, as well as masculine leaning people who fall outside the gender binary. If you're in the process of transitioning, recently started your transition, or navigating how your family or relationships are responding to your transition, this is a space where all of that is welcome. I also provide psychosocial evaluations and Letters of Support for Gender Affirming Healthcare, either as a standalone service or as part of our ongoing work together.
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That's one of the most common things I hear from the men I work with. You don't have to walk in knowing how to name your emotions. A lot of my clients start with "I don't know what I'm feeling" or "I have no clue," and that's fine.
Part of the work we do involves learning to slow down and pay attention to what's happening on the inside instead of describing the external experience. We might use images, body sensations, or metaphors to start putting words to things. It doesn't happen overnight, but over time, most of the men I work with tell me that being able to identify and communicate their feelings is one of the things they're proudest of from our work together.
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My sessions are unstructured, which means I don't come in with a set agenda or a list of topics we have to cover. What we work on each day will largely depend on what comes up naturally. I might use tools like mindfulness to help you slow down and tune into your body sensations, feelings, and thoughts. We can also use expressive writing to help you articulate your thoughts if that’s more comfortable than speaking them out loud. I'm interested in helping you understand what's going on underneath the surface so you can start making more intentional choices.